lisa williams

Counselling Blog

Reactions of self and Others

Lisa Williams - Saturday, June 07, 2014

Quite often when I am counselling or listening to other people's conversations I often hear people say things like "they made me feel ..." or  "They made me react in that way" or "it wasn't my fault".

These types of statements and beliefs give power away to the other person. Instead try taking ownership of your feelings and reactions as these are the only things that YOU can change. After all you can't change the behaviour of other people,  how they react to you or how they are in general. The only things that YOU have control over are YOUR feelings, YOUR behaviour and YOUR reactions.  

Take ownership of how you feel, think, behave and react  and stop blaming others. It;s healthier. It gives you the control and power back.

Once you own your feelings you can then start to change them and move to a better place.

It's not easy but first....

Can you recall a time recently when you said blamed someone for how you felt or how you behaved?


Re-run the event in your mine and concentrate on your feelings or behaviour. Then rather then the usual statement of "they made me feel ...." replace the statement with "I FELT .....BECAUSE....."

For example:

Rather than "my boss made me so angry" this would become " I was angry because my boss questioned why I had missed a deadline".

This acknowledges that you have decided how you are feeling and from there you can look at why you have decided to feel this way.

Therefore in this example you might go on to say that " 

I was angry because my boss questioned why I had missed a deadline, he/she doesn't realise that I missed that particular deadline because he/she had asked me to complete another piece of work instead" 

This way of being then opens up the conversation with the other person and is less confrontational if you decided to discuss YOUR feelings and YOUR reactions with the other person. 

Another example is Rebecca Adlington who experience trolls on twitter - In this article Rebecca acknowledges how she reacted and realised that she couldn't change them but she could block them. However so that she stopped taking the comments personally she changed the way she viewed them. Here is her article

Managing low mood

Lisa Williams - Sunday, January 05, 2014

As we enter in to a New Year some people may find that their mood drops. Have a look at this article from The NHS about managing low mood.

The anatomy of fear

Lisa Williams - Thursday, July 19, 2012

Ever wondered why you feel fear and why it affects you in the way that it does. If so have a look at this which may help to explain why you feel the way that you do.

Grief and Loss

Lisa Williams - Friday, April 06, 2012

Have a look at this article for the top 5 regrets of the dying. See also FAQs


Lisa Williams - Friday, April 06, 2012

You might find this article interesting. Also see The FAQ page of my website.

Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS)

Lisa Williams - Friday, April 06, 2012

If you suffer from Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) have a look at this article. Also take a look at a piece of work that I have undertaken (please note that I have no medical training and all views are my own). 

I can't cure IBS but I can help you to understand your condition and I can work with you to identify the triggers of your symptoms and help you find new ways of coping with the things that trigger your symptoms as well as teaching you relaxation techniques that you can use on yourself to alleviate your symptoms.

Hypnotherapy and Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS)

Unwanted Habits

Lisa Williams - Friday, April 06, 2012

Unwanted habits can be dealt with by using hypnotherapy. Here is an interesting article. Also see FAQs


Lisa Williams - Friday, April 06, 2012

Have a look at this article - he claims that physical health can be controlled by the mind. Do you agree? 

Understanding Self Harm

Lisa Williams - Wednesday, April 04, 2012

If you know someone who self-harms and you want to understand it then have a look at this article.  Let me know what you think.

Understanding your triggers

Lisa Williams - Monday, March 19, 2012

Understanding your triggers – a way out of emotional reactivity and addiction- have a look at this useful article